You know what sucks? When you really want to talk to someone that does not want to talk to you. It doesn't suck that they don't want to talk back. It doesn't suck even to want to talk to the person. What sucks is knowing and feeling you really shouldn't. It's the feeling that it is not permitted.
It's like someone who oversees all relationships and bad doings will come done and give you a spanking if you actually follow through with it. So, you keep reaching for the phone and slapping your own hand before the overseer does, just because you know that you will hit yourself a little softer than if you were to actually be punished for the wrongdoing. I mean, is that a little sad? Or is it a valid way to control yourself?
Who knows. I know I miss him.
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