Wish List

I have finished my book. It was beautiful.

I am now going to write a wish list. These are places I want to go, things I want to do... The usual. =]

1. I want to go to Nantucket.

2. I want to go to Montauk.

3. I want to go to Tibet.

4. I want to go to Brazil.

5. I want to go to Austria. (This is happening soon. =])

6. I want go hike on the Rocky.

7. I want to go to Ireland and lay in the grass fields.

8. I want to go sailing across the ocean.

9. I want to back pack Europe.

10. I want to sky dive.

11. I want to fall in love with a random stranger and have a crazy affair.

12. I want to experience night life in a random city of a foreign country.

13. I want to be in a screen show

14. and a broadway show.

15. I want to live in a beach house.

16. I want to own a house with lots of land.

17. I want to watch the sunset and sunrise without thinking about anything going on in life.

18. I want to have a picnic in a beautiful grass field underneath the only tree in sight.

19. I want to go to a runway show.

20. I want to live my life now and not build up to something that I hope to happen in the future.

21. I want to be head over heels in love again and I want it reflected.

22. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone and enjoy every minute of it knowing that I am exactly where I want to be and so is he.

23. I want to go out dancing and really let loose and do it just for the sake of dancing.

24. I want to be in a photo shoot and feel like a model.

25. I want to study as much as I can about quantum mechanics.

26. I want to know as much as I can about music theory.

27. I want to prepare an extravagant dinner for the some of my closest friends and drink wine so we feel wealthy.

28. I want to own my own apartment and decorate it just the way I want it.

29. I want to live in a big city for a while and really feel like a city person.

30. I want to feel like I am free and unattached, choosing the life that I want each minute that I have it.

31. I want to go on a big trip with my family.

32. I want to go on a spontaneous road trip to somewhere that I have never been.

33. I want to do a million fantastic things by myself and really enjoy it.

34. I want to go to an art showing and dress nicely.

35. I want to move away without a reason.

*This list will continue to grow and it will be completed*

Things that I am happy that I have done or experienced.

1. I have actually finished a song.

2. I have actually cried over something that meant a lot to me.

3. I gave my heart and my self to something/someone completely knowing that it might have been foolish, but that I would never have to regret a thing.

4. I felt an amazing love that I thought was only in movies, even if it was all in my head.

5. I had an amazing summer and got close to people.

6. I've opened my heart to someone and to my fantasies.

7. I have begun to be proficient at the piano.

8. I let myself go to nature.

9. I have begun to take care of myself and live on my own.

10. I built myself, lost myself, and found myself again.

11. I've started to knit.

12. I have a beautiful niece that I am going to spoil rotten.

13. I am learning to move on.

14. I've begun to detach myself from my nerves of life.

15. I dance, I sing, I act. I love it.

16. I finished a good book that I just felt called to.

*This list will also continue to grow.*

And I love my life.

Sundays at Tiffany's

I am reading a good book called Sundays at Tiffany's and currently trying to figure out how to meet the love of my life. Updates to come.

Off to find a new place to know

I hope you are happy because I am happy.

There is newness coming in my life. I can feel it. Once again I am being inspired. This time I will not be distracted. I won't let it go. I will keep moving forward and I will only stop to gaze at a scene, not becoming entrenched in it. This is another chance for me to break free. For once, I will actually do it.

After this coming semester I will have two and a half years left of my undergraduate work. I will enjoy them thoroughly and make sure they are spectacular, but just as easily as it came, it will be released. I have something bigger waiting for me outside of these walls. I am on my way to figure out what it is.

I can feel you there. I can feel my life there. I can feel the major part of my dreams finally coming to me. I just have to be patient and enjoy what I have while I have it. Because once I'm gone, I'm not looking back.

In the present moment, here I come. =]

Waking up

I just woke up and I feel like I'm going to feel beautiful inside all day. I don't HAVE to do things today, but I can choose my own productivity. There is so much I can do and I can do what I want. Today is going to be full.

There is so much ahead of me. I have so much learning to do and so many great things to accomplish. I am so ready for it every minute of every day. I just have to remember that I can take my time. It's about the experience not about the final product. I can't worry anymore. I just have to relax and feel everything each instance that it occurs.

I get to see Zach, Vicki, Jim, and possibly Chris today. I miss them all so much. They were like my second family. Well, they are my second family. Always. I love them so! =] It feels so good to know that no matter what they are always here for me when I need them and even sometimes when I don't. They still want me in their lives. They still love me. Because that's what families do. They love each other unconditionally. =]

I get to see my family tonight. I miss my mother and my sister so much. They mean the world to me. I can't even thank them enough for all of the love they have given me. Every time I need a friend they are right by my side. They are the best friends anyone could ask for.

Speaking of best friends, I hope I can see Zach Flores and Chris Yu this weekend. I probably won't see Erika. The three of them are so great. No matter what I am going through they will always listen. No matter how many times I talk about it or how annoying I am, they will always be looking out for me and making sure I'm okay. They are there to the very last second that I feel I need them.

I wish I could see CJ. I miss him a whole bunch. It's so strange to think that he is actually my step brother. I feel so much like he is my blood brother. We are so much closer than so many brother's and sister's I know. He is one of my best friends. I can talk to him about anything and I can joke with him about anything. He always makes me laugh and we understand each other so well.

I love these amazing people in my life. They mean the world to me. Each and everyone of them makes me life worth living. Even if I lost all of them I would be happy to go on knowing that I could remember what they all have been to me and how much they have loved me. =]

Praise Allah!!! =P

Sporadic morning thoughts

I woke up this morning and just had a feeling it was gorgeous and sunny because when I looked at the clock it was 8:59. The snow is a million times more beautiful when there it reflects sunlight.

I am okay with everything that I am. I respect myself and I am exactly who I want to be each given moment. If I am changing from action to action that is something I will not try to manipulate. I believe I can truly say that I have not a regret, even when my heart is heavy.

The thing that I am relearning is that time and place are very relative. Two days can feel like three very long weeks. And growing up can be perceived as abandonment when really it is people looking for themselves not knowing that they have been there all along.

I may not see everything that is in someone's heart, but I know the possibilities. That makes me feel much more comfortable with where I am because I have the power to choose which possibilities to believe in.

When I was observing, I could see us in everything that was going on. I always do. But last night I finally understood that I know nothing about where we stand, individually and together. All I can do is imagine. I won't. I need to stay released. I can love you that way. The most important thing, though, is I can love myself that way, too.

~~~

I do believe I am going to the mall today. If I am not called into work today I am having a full night of studying. Honestly, that's what I am hoping for and I am super excited about it. What can I say, I am a full fledged nerd. I really hope I can practice today, too.

My singing feels so much more comfortable and honest. I feel like myself. I don't feel like I am trying to hide or display anything. I am just doing what comes naturally. I want to keep it that way. Thank you, Dale.

A week from now I will be on stage rehearsing the same oratorio that has been etched in my brain for the past six years. I will be with the people that I graduated from. I really can't wait to be home. I love it here, but I breathe home air.

I made a picture!

I love photo editing.

The past couple of days have been really great. I am laughing and smiling a lot. I am being myself and doing what I want to do. I feel free and relaxed, even amongst the hustle and bustle of the semesters end.

I am in love with my life. I am in love with the people in it. "I finally made it. I made a clean getaway." And as the song says, "I still miss you everyday."

Life is supposed to be this way. It's supposed to make you feel things. Life is meant to instill a since of meaning. Maybe we just take it the wrong way.

There is a week of study/homework parties in the making and multitudes of fun. Then, next week starts exams and a week of relaxation until I am home free that Friday night.

It's nothing too extravagant. Life is just serene.

Wonderful quote for the day:

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." ~Samuel Johnson

Choosing to live

"Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you."

~~~

I had a beautiful weekend of dancing and singing. I was surrounded by beautiful people that I can luckily say I am beginning to accept as friends. Life is better when you just let go.

~~~

I was strolling through an empty ice land

As if I were surrounded by a home blanket.

I peered to my left and saw neon in the sunset

And I breathed in deeply, smiled, and thought, "I'm not done yet."

I have to pee

I need a fresh start! And Claire inspired me to start another blog. =]

Today, there was no one to watch me at my dance show. So, naturally, I had to find a reason to be dancing. Then, cliche enough, I decided I would dance for myself.

It felt incredible.

I miss home. I miss a lot of things.

What I miss most is staying present and driving forward.

For those that care to know: I love you very much. =]