There are times when one hides, even from oneself. Maybe the reason is that there is some fear yet to be discovered. Maybe there is a game that feels too innate to turn down. Maybe there is not any one reason and maybe it is just habit after a while. When someone outside of oneself discovers it after all of the time and effort of keeping it locked away... Well, I am not sure. Maybe someone knows a lot less than is being revealed. Or maybe more than one person is discovering new things.
***
I am lucky in that I have lucky friends. I only surround myself with lucky people, which may or not make a certain point. What I find interesting, whether it is useless information or not, is that they do not know it. Or maybe they know something, but they don't know the particular reasons. Maybe they just feel something that sets them apart from the millions of others. I'm not sure that they will ever feel or understand what I see. Maybe they know themselves a whole lot better, but what I see in them, I see in clear light, untainted.
That is the interesting thing about people and relationships. Knowing is only half of the understanding. Seeing clarifies. Being with someone else that confirms a belief or helps to find a new one is significant to growing. It is significant to life. Sometimes a painful process arises. Sometimes there is a sense of a lack of process, at all. Things seem fragmented and unorganized. When people are involved there is no way to escape disequilibrium, mental and/or emotional. Well, I guess I will question, "Is it necessary." Probably not. Does it quicken a certain process? It depends on one's goals, probably.
I think there has been a new indention in my life and I think this one may be uniquely significant.
Check:
1. I want to go to Nantucket.
2. I want to go to Montauk.
3. I want to go to Tibet.
4. I want to go to Brazil.
5. I want to go to Austria. (This is happening soon. =])
6. I want go hike on the Rocky.
7. I want to go to Ireland and lay in the grass fields.
8. I want to go sailing across the ocean.
9. I want to back pack Europe.
10. I want to sky dive.
11. I want to fall in love with a random stranger and have a crazy affair.
12. I want to experience night life in a random city of a foreign country.
13. I want to be in a screen show
14. and a broadway show.
15. I want to live in a beach house.
16. I want to own a house with lots of land.
17. I want to watch the sunset and sunrise without thinking about anything going on in life.
18. I want to have a picnic in a beautiful grass field underneath the only tree in sight.
19. I want to go to a runway show.
20. I want to live my life now and not build up to something that I hope to happen in the future.
21. I want to be head over heels in love again and I want it reflected.
22. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone and enjoy every minute of it knowing that I am exactly where I want to be and so is he.
23. I want to go out dancing and really let loose and do it just for the sake of dancing.
24. I want to be in a photo shoot and feel like a model.
25. I want to study as much as I can about quantum mechanics.
26. I want to know as much as I can about music theory.
27. I want to prepare an extravagant dinner for the some of my closest friends and drink wine so we feel wealthy.
28. I want to own my own apartment and decorate it just the way I want it.
29. I want to live in a big city for a while and really feel like a city person.
30. I want to feel like I am free and unattached, choosing the life that I want each minute that I have it.
31. I want to go on a big trip with my family.
32. I want to go on a spontaneous road trip to somewhere that I have never been.
33. I want to do a million fantastic things by myself and really enjoy it.
34. I want to go to an art showing and dress nicely.
35. I want to move away without a reason.
I love you.
